When a vision becomes reality

I'm not a complete sceptic when it comes to positive affirmations and visualisation, but I do believe in thinking positively with most things.  It was only the other day that I realised I had actually visualised a life for myself almost 20 years ago that is now true.  Whether it was coincidence, an accident or good planning, it came to me while walking around the bay on Sunday that while sleeping on my couch in 1996 and after being mighty disappointed that I hadn't been able to see Crowded House perform for the last time on the Opera House steps, I had what I thought was a vision but may have just been wishful thinking.

I had imagined myself divorced from The Plumber, sitting in a lovely, big house looking out on the water, having two kids (specifically a girl and a boy) and being in a happy relationship.

At the time it had been a bit of a pipe dream. Firstly, I had been with The Plumber since I was 16 (I was 30 in 1996). Secondly I had tried to leave three times in the last five years. Don't ask me why I didn't make it permanent, I can only say it was a combination of a lack of confidence and fear of the consequences.  Thirdly, I was flat broke - most of our money went on the rent and some very stupid personal loans, along with an obsession with horse riding, breeding large dogs and an alcoholic husband who was mostly unemployed. We had been surviving on $30 a week for some time.  Fourthly, the possibility of having children was already a lost cause as we had been trying to get pregnant for about five years.  And I had got used to the idea. In fact I thought it was probably a good thing as The Plumber wasn't exactly father-material and I had realised I had only thought I wanted to have a baby so I could love something other than the four-legged creatures in the house.

Therefore the dream/vision was pretty unattainable to me at that time.  But it was such a strong picture in the depths of a very depressing time, that I've remembered it perfectly. And with all the things that's happened in my life since - divorce, marriage, kids, buying homes, travel, happiness - I've only realised recently that the vision I had on that old couch in a miserable rented house in 1996, has become my reality.

Visualisation seems like it might be a real thing! Unfortunately I haven't seen Crowded House since.

(Don't Dream It's Over - my little Neil xx)

*Joining Essentially Jess for #IBOT*

A fortunate life, now don't blow it!

I live a fortunate life.  But I have many fears and worries that can seem unreasonable and superstitious.  Even writing this feels like I'm inviting all the jinx fairies into my life to disperse chaos and bad luck (touch wood), so like some other cultures, I have regular whinges and complain about small things like disobeying children, sore knees and bad drivers. This somehow balances the equilibrium of good and bad kharma - well I hope so anyway, otherwise I've been annoying my family with unnecessary whining all this time.

So using this logic, instead of just listing all the lovely things that are happening at the moment and tempting fate, I will balance it with a negative 'BUT':

• This week I started a brand new job BUT I had to leave my lovely old place and some wonderful friends.
• In the new job I have my very own office for the first time BUT it can get a bit lonely, I've almost always had someone sitting next to me to chat to.
• My office also has the luxury of its very own toilet BUT some female staff come in to use it and I feel a bit awkward sitting right there while they go through (should I leave the office while they go in? The toilet has two doors so totally soundproof).
• It takes me approximately five minutes to drive from my house to work BUT I need to go about 40 minutes earlier to get a parking spot and start before 8am and I don't get to buy a coffee from the best coffee maker in all of Sydney.

OK, I'm even making me annoyed at myself.  I have nothing to complain of.  So I am thanking the universe for:

• Having the opportunity to go to swish product launches/lunches with added cocktails thanks to organisations like Digital Parents and Samsung (review of the Samsung Sparkling Refrigerator with added cocktail kit giveaway coming soon!) in really amazing locations that looked out to the best city in the world:

• Having the chance to spend a weekend with my sisters whenever we can get together.  We discovered last Friday night that if we were ever to write a TV show script, it would just be a recording of our nights out and the stupid arse stuff we do and say (see picture below which is part of a series called Sunnies Girls we do with our cousin on every weekend away, this time amongst the daffodils at The Carrington, Katoomba). After all, Seinfield made a fortune with a show about nothing!

• Coming home to warm house and a family that puts up with my whinging over nothing.

There's a whole lot more I'm thankful for but I don't want to jinx it anymore. You can't be too careful, can you?

**Joining up with Essentially Jess for IBOT**

Rhythms and Blues

(Remember Biorhythms? They were big in the '70s')

I think I've worked out my rhythms.  No, not those bodily functions, way past that.  I've realised that my moods have a kind of pattern.  Sometimes they are influenced by events and what's happening around me and sometimes they build up over a static period in my life and I feel like I might sink into a really big, black hole.  And until I experience a bit of the 'Black Dog', I can't feel the euphoric rush of creative inspiration afterwards.

This has happened recently where for some time after my trip to Christchurch I became more and more moody, OK let's say depressed, for no particular reason.  It could have been the effects of seeing that beautiful city in ruins, it could have been the experience of feeling the tragedy through my body when I entered a vacant lot which housed one of the buildings where many died.  It could just simply be the effort of daily life of working and being a mum when I returned home.  No big problems in my life, I live a very fortunate life (these days!) in a very fortunate country.  I'm very, very lucky.  So when that crappy mood hits me I also carry the guilt of having no good reason to feel like shit.

That's when something has to happen to break the blah's.  And it usually comes in the form of a night out with fun people, good music and a bit of drunken dancing (unfortunately its immediately followed in the morning by what my Mum used to call "a sick headache", otherwise known as a screaming hangover).  It was a last minute offer from Mr Moneymaker's little sister, Aunty Moo, last Thursday for a night out and I jumped at the chance.  I'd just had two weeks of spending my school holidays being a taxi driver for Nugget's and Chicken's activities, the first week with no backup as Mr Moneymaker was in China.

I was also getting very frustrated with my lack of sewing skills during my 'Mess Makeover', turning our garage into a kids' paradise.  Somewhere in the last 32 years I have lost all of my sewing skills - I can't even put a straight hem on a curtain!

So along with quite a few days of domestic bickering (which always seem to happen after Mr M returns from an overseas trip), I was VERY ready to let loose.  There was a bit of logistics to work out (daughter had to be dropped off at work and picked up and taken to a sleepover while her brother was going to be left alone at home while we were at dinner) and unfortunately Mr Moneymaker would miss out on the after dinner fun at the pub.  Though his sister Moo couldn't wait - she almost jumped out of her skin when I told her it was Live Band Karaoke Night!

Great night, singing, dancing and yes some amount of vodka was consumed (with the inevitable 'sick headache' the next morning).  Aunty Moo outdid herself (she's a very talented singer) with the last song of the night, "These boots were made for walking".

It took me a couple of days to notice the change in rhythm in my mood but it did change.  After a fairly relaxing weekend and some interesting Twitter conversations, I found myself suddenly full of inspiration and creativity - ideas for my blog, a business concept and a way where I could use my administration skills to put together a network for back-to-work mums.

For now I've got my groove back and as long as I keep the momentum up, I can keep the Black Dog at bay.

How do you keep yourself on the up?

*Joining up with Essentially Jess and IBOT*

George Clooney is talking to me through the TV

My usual exciting Friday night has just been enlightened by George Clooney.

[source here]

Here I am in my bed (by myself) cruising the Twitterworld and the Facebookworld and the Bloggersphere, having a little vino and a choccy Freddo, when George Clooney keeps demanding my attention.  He's in a movie that I haven't actually ever seen before called "Up In The Air".  It's about an executive who travels around the country firing employees. He is an expert at this horrible job and actually revels in it.

While he is training a young woman, one of the middle aged men he has sacked has his rejected attitude turned around when George has responded to his photos of his children with the following:

Sacked Man: "What am I going to tell them?"
George: "Do you know why kids admire sports stars?"
Sacked Man: "Because they date hot models?"
George: "No, that's why we admire them. They look up to them because they have lived their dreams."

There is some thoughtful time here then George goes on to say that he's noticed the man had on his resume that he majored in French cuisine. He asks him how much this company paid him on his first job to give up his dream.

That dim little bulb in my head lit up.  I've almost always been employed for the last thirty years as a secretary or something similar.  At 15, in Year 10 (or 4th Form as it was called then), my dream was to become a journalist, travel the world and write the 'Great Australian Novel'.

But the temptation of earning a wage at 16 beat the reality of achieving my dream which involved more time at school and years of study.  The truth was I was lazy.  I have no right to complain or blame it on anyone else, I gave up on my dreams for the smell of a $100 a week wage to buy me clothes and Southern Comfort.

But George made it clear it's never too late to try.