I found myself in an unsettling position today (no, that's not code or any other type of innuendo). I was waiting in my gynecologist's waiting room this morning about to book in for a pretty life changing operation (yes, have decided to go ahead with said hysterectomy as discussed in previous post) and I happened to be reading Mia Freedman's book "Mama Mia". I was at the most heartbreaking point in her story where she discovered she had lost her unborn child. I was struggling with how incredibly sad this was with the knowledge I was about to go ahead with a procedure which will make it absolutely impossible for me to ever have another baby. And even though there really wasn't any other way to get rid of those pesky and energy draining fibroids, I felt like I was voluntarily making myself infertile.
Now, don't get me wrong, I have no desire to have another child (my third child has four legs, a tail and actually does what I tell him!), but I'm hesitant about giving up the option to have one. This physical ability makes me feel like I'm still on the wild side of ... 45? (Shit, I hate putting that number down, that's what makes me feel old.) If that goes, will I turn into a cranky old woman like my mum was after "the change"? OK, an even more cranky old woman.
Also, ironically, several years ago in a past life, in a past marriage, I had been convinced I was infertile. I had made the crazy decision that our dysfunctional union needed a child to really stuff it up and tried to get pregnant for almost 7 years. We then had tests (well I did, he may have, that's what he told me anyway), and after a laporoscopy that didn't uncover anything, the doctor announced we were "incompatible". Duh!
So I can't believe I'm about to remove this very functional organ. I know it's for the best but I also realise it will be the end of an era. And according to those that have been there and come through better for it (thanks for the advice and encouraging comments), it will be a wonderful and carefree stage in my life ... until men..o...pause.....
Yeh - and then when men..o..pause hits you will really have something to complain about - take it from me.....I HATE MEN-O-PAUSE..... it is the pits, it sucks rotten eggs and it takes tooo flipping long. It makes you blush when there is nothing to blush about like when the police pull you over for a routine stop and you are purple and they wonder why??? They ask you if you have been drinking or taking drugs. They dont believe you when you say 'I am just menopausal officer'. Did I just freak out....again???
ReplyDeleteBe safe Becci and see you on the flip side - you will be fine I'm sure.
All the best,
M
Our beloved uteruses. Even though you believe it's for the best doesn't mean that you don't grieve. Best wishes, hope all goes well.
ReplyDeletePS Must get my hands on the book.
I havent had an issue with this, but two of my sisters have, and although they were done having kids, they felt the same as you. I guess it's just the part of us that makes us feel like a woman. And even when we are done with kids, to actually be done is a lot harder than it sounds.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linkung up! I'm following you now too :)
Thanks ladies for your lovely comments. I'm feeling better about it and just as I was feeling flippant about it while telling my older sister, she said why don't we have a little ceremony and bury the ashes of my uterus! I didn't react too harshly as she is investigating scattering our parents' ashes at the moment and feeling a little fragile. But I don't think I'll be asking my doctor for "the remains"!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck, hope it all goes well for you. You sound as though you have firmly made up your mind.
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ps, and 45 is not old!!
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