Dreams and reality

(From here)

I had a sick day today and felt the need to sleep in until 11am. That means weird morning dreams. You know the ones, they're really vivid and sometimes a little shocking. My dream was the type where you are dreaming inside a dream.

Briefly (because most people switch off when they're listening to somebody else's dream), I dreamt my parents had died (and they had in real life, several years ago) but I woke within the dream in their old flat on their old couch and they were sitting up at their old dining table.

So I was quite relieved that it was only a dream, but Dad was on my iphone (which didn't exist when he was alive) just finishing a call from my boss letting her know I was staying home sick today. I was frustrated with him because he wouldn't tell me what she said and he didn't know how to hang up. So I forgot my relief that he was alive and took the phone off him.

When I woke for real I was both sad, frustrated and ashamed.  Big, deep message in there for me somewhere.

***

To anyone that has been reading this blog for awhile, my apologies for not writing for such a long time - I have a million excuses but it mainly comes down to very little energy and next to no motivation.  I forget this place is for having a chat and I think I can't do a post unless it's perfectly done and interesting, informative or insightful with just the right picture. I've realised if I wait for that miracle to happen, I would never write again.  And I quite enjoy writing.

I promise I won't leave it so long next time.

End of one season, start of another

(this is where I spent half of January)

So that was Summer, eh?

I love Summer but there are parts of Winter I love too, just not as much as Summer.  I'll miss the sitting out in the sun after dinner with a cool drink, not having to take forever to get dressed in the morning, not waiting for days for the washing to dry, being outdoors without having to take a coat and umbrella and getting social just because its sunny outside.

Winter has its good points too. There's comfort food and the fact that its actually enjoyable to cook, that its lovely to get snuggly in bed (unfortunately really difficult to get out of bed though), there's no sweating so its good to get out and get active and there's comfort food (did I mention that already?).

But I didn't come here to talk about the weather (ho hum), I wanted to say I'm on an 'up' today (as opposed to yesterday where it was all too hard). It may be because its Friday, or because I had a productive day at work and feeling that I've got a little more of a handle on things.  I'm also excited at the prospect of promoting not only the great stuff the people at my new workplace are doing for kids, but also promoting Mr Moneymaker's new business and life long dream.

He's selling the stuff that he loves, at last. A life-long lover of sport (not to mention the Nugget's personal Sports Manager), he has set up his own sport equipment brand, Cigno Sports and his days consist of choosing, selling and generally playing with, Soccer Balls (did you know that cigno is the Italian word for swan???).  I've even spent quite a few hours entering HUNDREDS of contacts into his database and though its been a bit of a risk (to the point where I may have to change his name from Mr Moneymaker to something else), its starting to build up.  The majority of business will be coming from Soccer Clubs in Queensland, NSW and Victoria so if you're involved in purchasing equipment for your club and you want quality, give him a call (don't forget to tell him I told you first!).

As for my new role, I'm so proud to be working for a company that has such a great concept and that can really make a difference to a young child's life.  The company is called Yoga To Go Kids and it takes the philosophy of mindfulness and well being along with a great habit for young children to take into their adult life. I've been there about four weeks now and I've been talking to the schools and the yoga teachers and seeing feedback coming back from the kids and the school teachers. Its wonderful what they're saying about the effects the classes have had on all the kids - the quiet ones, the loud ones, the hyperactive ones and the troubled ones. I'm really impressed and I want to tell everyone.

Yoga To Go Kids

Now my next move is to get the word out there about both businesses, not so much through this blog (though I will put a couple of buttons on the side here), but to promote through Facebook and Twitter.

Now if only they could afford to sponsor me to go the Digital Parents Conference in March! Oh well, that boat may have to leave without me. Literally.

*Joining With Some Grace for FYBF*

Writing Dreams

Dream Writing


Everybody has dreams. Not only those weird disjointed stories that go on in our head when we sleep, but dreams where we envision ourselves at a certain place, doing a certain thing. Sometimes we have enough passion and drive to achieve our dreams and sometimes we want to keep it just.a.dream.

Brady-Kowalski

I've always had a dream of being a writer. Now I think I have worked out why I just didn't dig up that passion and drive and put my head down and arse up (so to speak!). I was scared of failure. I thought, what if I put all this effort and time into a fancy dream of writing and publishing a book, put my career (ha!) on hold and neglected my family and then FAILED! Or more honestly, what if someone told me it was rubbish, I'm wasting my time. What if all those courses I took and how-to books I've read didn't give me the knowledge I needed, what if all the feedback I've been given by teachers, family and friends were just compliments to save my feelings.

What if I found out I just can't write?

My whole life I've been telling people I write, not that I'm a writer, that I write. What if that was just all folly (yes, that is an old fashioned word, but I like it, ok?)?

I know this has to come down to just a case of low self esteem and the fact there was not much encouragement in my childhood and active discouragement in my young adult life, but now I have no excuse, I'm 45 for god's sake!

So here I am in 2011 and I've been claiming "to write" for 33 years and rather than having my fourth book's advance cheque in my hand, I've struggled to finish off anything to the perfect sample of creative story telling I've strived for.

I have journals of my life tucked away everywhere and I'm sure there are some great stories in there I could pull out for my blog posts (like the time I lived in a tent for 6 months out in the sticks, ran out of money, mad drunk ex-husband with a .22 rifle, porridge everyday for dinner, starved till we shot one rabbit and cooked it but gave it to the dog as we weren't sure if it had myxomatosis - but that's another story....).

In fact, this blog has had me writing more often than in the last twenty years! Ding! Light bulb moment! [I'm a bit slow, I know.]

I'll just put it in this blog.

OMG! That just scared the shit out of me, that means that "people" are going to read it!!! And comment on it!! And they might be honest!!!

And even more frightening, my family might read it and find out what's going on in my head, and then I'll start censoring it so I won't offend anybody, like I did when I knew my husband started reading my diary of our life together because "it made him happy".

Oh bugger it, bugger everyone, I'll write whatever the hell I want to!!! Yeah right.

OK, so tell me if you write with trepidation or have written something, published it and then totally panicked when you realised people might read it! This has been a Twitter conversation I've been voyeuring between Kerri Sackville and Kylie Ladd and would love to know what other writers feel, are they just as scared?