Losing my shit

It really wasn't a bad day, a bit boring if anything. I did all the work I could find, I helped out at Reception and I had a lovely lunch with a friend.

I applied for a couple of jobs, both of which were completely different but equally suitable.  Seems I still don't know what I want.  Or need.

Had a half glass of wine and a good laugh with the girls before leaving work.  There was hardly any traffic on the way home and an interesting talk on Triple J. Then I went to take the turn on to my road and a car went right through the big, red sign that says "GIVE WAY". Then another big hoon-mobile shot through too, which almost cleaned me up and put an end to my moderately lovely day.

A great rush of hot anger went through me and I leaned on that horn like a mother.

My house is about four houses down from the intersection and the first car had pulled in to park outside my house while the hoon sped off. I went to go in front of the first car to park, but she then decided to first reverse then drive forward too so I was stuck out on the road in the traffic, not being able to even get in my driveway (which was occupied by Mr Moneymaker's car).

Getting even more hot under the collar I decided to park half in the driveway and half on the pavement and got out. Looking over at the parked car, two women got out in their Lorna Jane coordinated running gear, the passenger on the phone and the driver getting something in or out of her boot.  Calming myself, ever the lady, I politely asked her "Did you realise that was a Give Way sign there?" She replied offhandedly "Yes, I waved you through, I did give way".

Steam. "No you didn't".  I'm so polite I was grinding my teeth when I said this.  Jogging bitch replied "Oh, I don't have time for this" and waved me off. For real this time.  Her friend must have had a very interesting phone call because she did not pay any attention to us and walked quickly across the road.

You know when a situation like this arises and you think you know what to say and are sure that you will cut them down to size with your quick wit?  No?  Me neither.  So I growled "Yeah, I don't have time, you don't have time, time to kill someone" or something just as nonsensical.  She casually crossed the road as if I wasn't even speaking (well, to be honest I'm not sure she could understand my gibberish) and I stormed inside slamming the door.  After I blurted it all out to Mr Moneymaker who was on the phone to his sister who said to her "hold on a minute, my wife just walked in really pissed off", I then thought of all the things I SHOULD have said straight at her.  Like:

"What's your hurry? Late for your monthly jog?"
"Don't park your shitbox outside my house, you're bringing down the tone of the neighborhood"
"What's wrong? Lycra riding up your arse?"

OK, so they're not so witty.  If you have any suggestions, please let know. I need to memorise witty comebacks for these exact situations.

After I came inside I was still shaking after twenty minutes. I was thinking of either parking her car in so she couldn't leave, putting a sternly phrased letter on her windscreen or keying her car.  All really good revenge acts - if she hadn't seen where I live and what car I drive.  So I just gave good glare out the window when she returned to make her think I had done something to her car.  Also I decided that people like that will always be punished by Kharma.  I hope.

*Linking with Essentially Jess for #IBOT*